i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
