Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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