carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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