Princesses don't give blow jobs
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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