And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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