Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
zippers are such a cool invention
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
