and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
