Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
