I just pynch a tree in the face
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
