Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
