she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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