these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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