He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
