i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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