My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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