Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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