i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
