I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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