omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
