remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
