Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
