I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
