she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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