at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
