I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
