So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
