whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
