At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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