Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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