We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
