you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
