Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
