im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
