I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
