He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
