dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
