This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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