There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
