How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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