i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I accidentally burped into my bong.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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