My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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