so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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