why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
They have beer where we have blood.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
