put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I need a burrito and a hug.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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