Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Come back. Shots need mouths.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
