Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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