Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
