You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
