Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I still have a little drunk in my system
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
