I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I need water and some morals
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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